I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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