I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
