For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
