fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
