i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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