I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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