Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
