God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
