My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
