Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
