Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
