So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
