i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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