Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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