I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We talked him into tasing himself.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
