How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
