just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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