You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
