yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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