I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
