Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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