Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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