just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
