after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
