Small penises have feelings too.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
