i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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