like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
