I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
