Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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