I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
