I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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