I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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