so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
