Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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