i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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