And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
