Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
