party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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