I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
