I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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