as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
