do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize