He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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