I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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