does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize