I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize