bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
