oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
