I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Can I color on your dick again?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize