I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize