i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
