I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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