3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
