The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
