My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
