I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize