dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
