honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
