Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize