He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
