You're completely useless in the revolution.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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