Can Purell be used as lube?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
