WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
