it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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