Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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