Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
