I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
